Packing Pandemonium (aka Why I Won't Be Taking my Pig Costume)

They say the hardest thing about planning a trip abroad is deciding what to take with you. And oboy aren't they right!

I mean, once you've factored in the bare essentials (hair care products, paisley shirts, maltesers and so forth …), you've hardly any room left over for the little luxuries.

So, I'm only going to be taking one book. Question is, which one?

I've narrowed the list down to three books with their different pros and cons. For the curious, here it is:

The Master and Margarita, by Mikhail Bulgakov 

Pro 

• A bow tie wearing, cognac drinking talking cat.
• A séance of black magic.
• It's a love story ❤️   

Con

• I may get so into the book it takes over … All my Spanish money magically transforms into roubles and, unable to buy food, I must starve.

Gravity's Rainbow, by Thomas Pynchon

Pro

• Never a dull moment.
• A goodly length.

Con

• I may get so into the book it takes over … I spend my whole stay in Valencia running round the beach in a pig costume, singing dirty Rocket-themed limericks and saving mysterious damsels-in-distress from the tentacled clutches of brainwashed octopuses.

Mrs Dalloway, by Virginia Woolf 

Pro

• Perfectly written. A masterpiece.
• The first historical example I know of the kind of narrative structure typified by such Kontemporary Klassics as, oh I don't know, Love Actually and every Guy Ritchie film ever made 😒

Con

• Boring as hell (but a wonderful cure for insomnia).

And there's your list. As for which the winningest book will be, stay tuned …